literally had 100 drinks last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
