I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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