I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
