Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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