Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
