WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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