You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
