i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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