It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
