Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
