I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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