he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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