My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The air was thick with penises
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize