Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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