reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
