9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
