Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am puke
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
