Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
