I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
