Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
