Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
