There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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