I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
too bad you live with your parents still
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they need to just BURY HIM!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
