OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Damn victory sex feels great
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
