hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
