My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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