Have you finally orgasmed yet?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize