We won't sleep together?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
