I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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