glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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