My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
