I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
