nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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