Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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