I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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