i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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