Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
