it was like his penis was on wheels.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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