Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize