they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
