Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
