I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
