I met the friendliest cop last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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