is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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