my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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