My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
