My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
