Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
