I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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