I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
