Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
