OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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