His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
