i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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