the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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