do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
