I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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