I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
