just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
