i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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