eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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