my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
