Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
