I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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