My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
