Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
