just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
